Once thing they don't tell you when they hand out the CCM diagnosis: you'll spend a lot of time looking at and pondering brains.
Scans. Pictures. Drawings. MRI results.
You will stare at them and study them and worry about them.
You'll prioritize them.
"Oh. It's only a bleed in the frontal lobe."
"Please don't let this be the brainstem."
You'll do everything but know what, exactly, it means for you, for the ones you love.
Because of course you can't.
I've been trying to remind myself of that, and failing, of course. If BBBs lesions are bleeding, growing, and it seems they are once again, what does this mean? I want to know.
Instead I've been pondering and studying and worrying, and soon I will stop. It's pointless, after all. I have laundry to do, and that would probably be a better use of my time. Washing those damn clothes. But I think it's okay, to indulge for a while. Then it's back to life and chocolate and living that life, and of course more chocolate. It's just too bad they don't tell you that part upfront-all the time you'll waste on brains.