Once thing they don't tell you when they hand out the CCM diagnosis: you'll spend a lot of time looking at and pondering brains.
Scans. Pictures. Drawings. MRI results.
Brains.
You will stare at them and study them and worry about them.
You'll prioritize them.
"Oh. It's only a bleed in the frontal lobe."
"Please don't let this be the brainstem."
You'll do everything but know what, exactly, it means for you, for the ones you love.
Because of course you can't.
Know.
I've been trying to remind myself of that, and failing, of course. If BBBs lesions are bleeding, growing, and it seems they are once again, what does this mean? I want to know.
Instead I've been pondering and studying and worrying, and soon I will stop. It's pointless, after all. I have laundry to do, and that would probably be a better use of my time. Washing those damn clothes. But I think it's okay, to indulge for a while. Then it's back to life and chocolate and living that life, and of course more chocolate. It's just too bad they don't tell you that part upfront-all the time you'll waste on brains.
Sorry to hear about BBB's latest problems. And YES, I never knew I would spend so much time, learning, comparing, scrutinizing every MRI again and again. You have to or else you're lost! So good job, Mama! It's not really time "wasted", it's time "invested" in saving your son...who wants to do laundry anyways? Hang in there. I hope he feels better soon and all bleeding stops ASAP!
ReplyDeleteBest wishes,
Elizabeth
Exactly. Truer words were never typed. Who wants to do laundry anyway! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elizabeth. I appreciate the well-wishes. Neuro and surgeon appts are coming, so cross your fingers for us they have good news.
Nothing wrong with being informed, even if maybe sometimes we are 'too' informed ;)
ReplyDeleteYes, worrying. You reach a point and have to toss your arms in the air and just stop. But sometimes it's not always that easy.
Take another bite of that chocolate and let the laundry go - you deserve a break :)
*peeking out over a mountain of laundry*
ReplyDeleteGood advice and I took it. Probably I should get back to doing the wash now, I think. Before we're buried in it.
:)